Monday, 25 May 2009
I love the way I am being guided through it. I love the feeling of the opposites and the feeling of waves. I think every single time I just need to take a deep breath and remember that everything single thing that happens, happens for a reason. The one I know of or yet not.
I want to believe that as much as every human being is a process, life is a process, this whole big shiny universe is a process.
Three passions have governed my life:
The longings for love, the search for knowledge,
And unbearable pity for the suffering of [humankind].
Love brings ecstasy and relieves loneliness.
In the union of love I have seen
In a mystic miniature the prefiguring vision
Of the heavens that saints and poets have imagined.
With equal passion I have sought knowledge.
I have wished to understand the hearts of [people].
I have wished to know why the stars shine.
Love and knowledge led upwards to the heavens,
But always pity brought me back to earth;
Cries of pain reverberated in my heart
Of children in famine, of victims tortured
And of old people left helpless.
I long to alleviate the evil, but I cannot,
And I too suffer.
This has been my life; I found it worth living.
Friday, 22 May 2009
I am discovering today that to me the biggest challenge is in the end to be honest to myself and to hear myself. I think people rush through their lives without sopping for air nor for just, you know, taking a walk along the beach of the ocean of your thoughts, having a cup of tea, smiling at random strangers and giving youself some space. In the end, the biggest duty is to ourselves because if I will not learn how to love myself and be with myself, how will anyone else will....?!...
Tuesday, 19 May 2009
"the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones that never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn..." ~ Jack Kerouac, On the Road, Part 1, Ch. 1
I want to has all the life to all it's fullest. I want to love and to be loved; to not be tortured by anxiety; to be happy; that people are dear to me would be happy; to be healthy; to hug my mother; to hug my father; to not be in fear; to speak English better; to speak Russian better; to work at something I really like; to go to Wood Stock (not by myself though); finally figure out which colour is the best for my hair; to drink some red wine with a friend; to be a Gurman; real French breakfast; I want to live in a house with a garden and a flat with a balcony and a big bathtub; I want to dream; blue dress; in line skates; to have perfect communication skills; to chit chat; to learn of perfect project presentation and negotiation; to start studying again; to have good eye-sight; to travel to Norwegian fiord's and seaside; to have a lot of time for travels and writing letters; to have people to write letters to; not feel hunger; to be good at reiki; to meet someone amazing; a cat; to be healthy and irresistible to diseases; to buy dark blue stockings; new fabulous lingerie; to ride a motorcycle; to have a cup of tea with You; airy chocolate; to learn not to be scared of myself; to worry less; to climb into a big tree (and to go down by myself!); to not so deeply react to other people jokes/ mockery/ slander; to make love; to doubt less; to keep trusting people; to swim in a clean water; to trust myself; to sing; comfortable and beautiful shoes; white teeth; to read at least seven books this month; to be caring and good to others; to loose some weight; to have a nude picture taken; to have a tattoo done; to be able to run in the rain and dance with someone; to keep on going with my life and saying every morning: 'good morning, life, I love you"; to be hugged; to hug; to smile; to go back to Japan; to have my own business; to not be forgotten by friends; not forget friends;
Monday, 18 May 2009
Friday, 15 May 2009
They say that writing, real writing, should leave a small sweet bruise somewhere on the writer . . . and on the reader.
And it makes me think and it makes me wonder -- I have been writing since I can remember, really; since I was able to compose a sentence. If I was not writing, I was drawing. I think my mom still kept a picture that I drew when I wasn't even two years old.
All the stories I heard, I read; all the stories I wrote down... It did indeed left me bruised. It left footprints and sometimes it led me to the thinking, it led me into insidious and never ending contemplation. It is like a fog; fog is like a cage without a key.
"A prayer for the wild at heart, kept in cages." ~ Tennessee Williams
If for a moment God were to forget that I am rag doll and granted me a piece of life, I probably wouldn't say everything that I think; rather, I would think about everything that I say. I would value things, not for their worth but for what they mean. I would sleep less, dream more, understanding that for each minute we close our eyes, we lose sixty secondsof light. I would walk when others hold back, I would wake when others sleep, I would listen when others talk. And how I would enjoy a good chocolate ice cream!If God were to give me a piece of life, I would dress simply, throw myself face first into the sun, baring not only my body but also my soul.My God, if I had a heart, I would write my hate on ice, and wait for the sun to show. Over the stars I would paint with a Van Gogh dream a Benedetti poem, and a Serrat song would be the serenade I'd offer to the moon.I would water roses with my tears, to feel the pain of their thorns and the red kiss of their petals... My God, if I had a piece of life... I wouldn't let a single day pass without telling the people I love that I love them. I would convince each woman and each man that they are my favorites, and I would live in love with love.I would show men how very wrong they are to think that they cease to be in love when they grow old, not knowing that they grow old when they cease to be in love!To a child I shall give wings, but I shall let him learn to fly on his own.I would teach the old that death does not come with old age, but with forgetting.So much have I learned from you, oh men ... I have learned that everyone wants to live at the top of the mountain, without knowing that real happiness is in how it is scaled.I have learned that when a newborn child first squeezes his father's finger in his tiny fist, he has him trapped forever.I have learned that a man has the right to look down on another only when he has to help the other get to his feet.From you I have learned so many things, but in truth they won't be of much use, for when I keep them within this suitcase, unhappily shall I be dying.
~ GABRIEL GARCIA MARQUEZ
December 8, 2000
Thursday, 14 May 2009
We are the makers of music and the dreamers of dreams, said once Willy Wonka, a fabulous fiction by Roald Dahl. How often do we remember that? How often do we fall in love with the dreams we have and how much we want it to happen.
From time to time it's fun to close our eyes, and in that dark say to ourselves, 'I am the sorcerer, and when I open my eyes I shall see a world that I have created, and for which I and only I am completely responsible.' Slowly then, eyelids open like curtains lifting stage-center. And sure enough, there's our world, just the way we've built it.
Bubbles, bubbles everywhere, but not a drop to drink --- yet.
Wednesday, 13 May 2009
And I keep thinking how many hundreds and millions of interpretations of reality exist. I don't expect to know the number. I don't even expect there is one...
Afterall, the thing that matters most -- keeping up with your own reality and your own points of view.
That brings me back to Japan where I realised that reality is very irrelevant.
Nothing teaches you more than experiences. I went to Japan knowing very little about life and even less about myself and yet I can't explain what exactly happened but I came different. I guess it was the first time when I felt irrelevance of reality so sharply and so deeply. Life is what you make of it. I came back knowing more secrets and having less opinions. I have learned to walk slowly and look deeper. I have learn of traquility and of city haze. I know now that sometimes you only need silence to say so much.... I know about pain, and I don't think any of us can speak frankly about pain until we are no longer enduring it. All in all, I have been reminded once again that in order to stay the same you have to always change.
Water never waits. It changes shape and flows around things, and finds the secret paths no one else has thought about. ~ Mameha, "Memoirs of a Geisha"
Tuesday, 12 May 2009
Have you ever been wondering of what it feels like to be coming back to places you used to call home? Does it make you feel happy, lucky, sad, nostalgic, hopeful... or maybe simply nothing. That can happen. I am sure.
When I return to those places, I always remember words of Nelson Mandela: There is nothing like returning to a place that reminds unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.
I have also discovered lately that the best travels are those, that bring you back to yourself.
Wednesday, 6 May 2009
... I was reminded today that all the things that happen to your life are actually coming there because you choose them to come there. And I won't quote well known words by R. Bach but I will just say this: what we all need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new. Right now.
And here I wonder... what did I choose within these years I have been walking Earth and other little places of the Universe....
I chose to live. I chose to love. I chose to be always trying to be excellent (to myself and to others). I chose not to judge. I chose to discover and share that with others. I chose to be quiet. I chose to listen (since we have two ears and one mouth for a reason...). I chose to be sensitive, caring, hard working, truthful. I chose to make the best out of the body I have been given and to love it. I chose to be open (since minds, like parachutes, function best when open!)
I chose to let myself learn from mistakes. I chose to understand that everything that comes my way has a pretty good reason why it's there.
I chose to love and to risk with and for it. Because love is.
Tuesday, 5 May 2009
"The spell was broken. My uncle learned to laugh, and I learned to cry. The secret garden is always open now. Open, and awake, and alive. If you look the right way, you can see that the whole world is a garden."
~ Maria in "The Secret Garden" /1993//
I have learned today that sometimes in order to understand the world around you, you must look deep inside of yourself to get there. Sometimes the longest journeys are for shortest distances and sometimes, just sometimes, we are absolutely lucky to have someone, that very special someone, to hold a hand and to keep us company.
"El Ahora es todo lo que tienes. Tus talentos son las herramientas para construir el sueño de tu vida, para ayudar al propósito de tu alma a que se convierta en uno junto con los propósitos de otras personas." ~El Poder del Propósito del libro Nueve Poderes para Transformar tu Vida