What I found out today. o117

Today I am finding out yet again new things about balancing on your identity and wondering wondering if you ever can stay with something as unmeasurable and complex as your own identity and self understanding.

It was said once by Chuck Palahniuk: "If you wake up at a different time, in a different place, could you wake up as a different person?"



Most of the time we are taught to deny who we are, taught to fit in and become someone else or idea of someone else. I think I was always struggling with that because the longer you do that, the more complicated it is to remember who you actually are and to allow yourself to be.
And yet, even when you have the space and the guts to be who you are, how do you define everything?! How do you got with all the little details, all the aspects and shadows forming something that in the end shines are you?!...
I am still struggling, I must admit. I don't expect to find all the answers. Soon or ever actually. It's like opening a can of worms -- interesting, scary, challenging, rewarding and still the end confusing. In the end, it's also a process. Identity is in its making. It's walking your path and being aware.

And then again -- its also never forgetting to breathe and how to have fun with your life. No matter what kind of background forms you or what kind of environment surrounds you -- it's all up to you how you deal with it and how many smiles, hugs, ideas, words, dreams you make and share!





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What I found out today. o116

Today I found out about trust, about ability to hear and inclination to listen. And once again about the fact that the world of the words can be such a confusing place to be...
Therefore I try it slowly, with tender respect. Especially for these words are not my native language.

I am also learning about intent. Certain people have a way of saying things that shake us at the core. Even when the words do not seem harsh or offensive, the impact can be shattering. What we could be experiencing is the intent behind the words. When we intend to do good, we do. When we intend to do harm, it happens. What each of us must come to realize is that our intent always comes through.
Its as challenging as absolutely amazing -- we are what we think...




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if I have burned my bridges, I would walk on water.

What I found out today. o115

"Humans are multi-dimensional spiritual beings, living in a multi-dimensional universe…As the Sufis say, w human beings live in a many-storied mansion, but have occupied the ground-floor for so log, we have forgotten even the existence of the higher realms."
p. 59-60 of Alchemical Divination, Ralph Metzner, Ph.D.

What I found out today. o114

There is this exercise I learned once in Italy that is used by actors in order to explore your subconscious insides. I sometimes remember it and wonder.. How many coincidences there are in your life and how many things you actually bring to yourself.
I do believe somehow that there are things that I cannot control, but other things do fall under the jurisdiction.
I can decide how to spend my time,
whom to interact with,
whom to share my body and life and money and energy with.
I can select what I can read and eat and study.
I can choose how I'm going to regard unfortunate circumstances in my life-whether I will see them as curses or opportunities.
I can choose my words and the tone of voice in which I speak to others.

And most of all, I can choose my thoughts.

What I found out today. o113

What I found out today. o112

There are many things in life that you must learn over and over again. Like walking. And somehow in those moments you don't really care you've done it before, it comes to you again and it feels as exciting as it was before. Or even more!
Even Hemingway said, "All my life I've looked at words as though I were seeing them for the first time."

There is always more than meets the eye.
There is always more than we dare to admit.
And it's amazing. Amazing to challenge your own limitation and your own walls (either way if they are walls in or walls out).

Amazing things happen to you when you let them happen. When you walk right into the room full of unknown people and don't feel fear.
I am learning to accept chaos. (Although I am not entirely sure whether it accepts me.)
I have learned lately that any kind of fear might be just worthy to walk straight into. It's like playing a computer game only not being as reckless! Although I dont think that death is the biggest fear we have. The biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive -- the risk to be alive and express what we really are.


P.S.

What I found out today. o111

There was a time in my life where I learned a very important lesson.
There was a time I learned that by loosing everything I had so much more left. So much more to see, to treasure and to be.

I was remembering today those days when we were once kinds, when we used to build up some amazing things out of any simple daily objects and it would make us happiest people in the world. We would build castles, space ships, even countries and new galaxies and then once mother would call for dinner we would as easily dismount it all again to be ready for something else next time. I wonder, wasn't it much easier then to learn same lessons of letting go.
I don't remember much of my childhood. Probably since the time they cut my wings but I do remember that then it was so much easier to who you really are in that moment -- a performer, Cleopatra, a pilot of a space ship, a hunter, a doctor, a princess... even if until dinner time or for a moment.

And therefore I keep remembering that growing up is like growing bored and remaining in your own box because it's just safe there and because it's more easy this way. Rebuilding and redoing takes courage and power and a lot of sparkles!...




Yet still, change is the constant.

P.S. Listen to this....
P.P.S. Some amazing words from dreamer:

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, 'Yes.'

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.